Surviving Small Town Bullying

In early May of 2011 a member in my brother's family was allegedly murdered by her police officer husband and the home was set on fire in an attempt to destroy the evidence. His fool proof plan he bragged about wasn't adequate. The FBI was called in, and he was convicted of murder, arson and child endangerment. The trail is pending.

Encouraged by her family to do so, she was afraid to file for divorce because he chronically bullied her, threatening to kill the whole family if she left him, but it became too much and she filed anyway. A few days later she was dead, leaving two darling little boys without their caring mother.

This tragedy has opened a deep wound in my own life, and I am having to deal all over again with the flashbacks of four decades of law enforcement and other "authority" mobster-type bullying that has destroyed my hopes and dreams to preserve our very rare historic downtown located in South Central Kansas. (This included Rosalea's Hotel.) It has been a painful lesson to learnthat countless law enforcement in small towns of the prairies are horrendous bullies and get away with it because there is no where above for the victims to get help. The limited selection pool for qualified, ethical, educated, intelligent law enforcement compounds the problem--the more qualified have moved away years ago. It is a disgrace that the AG's office throws severe problems back onto the people of the community who have no training or conscience to deal with the horrors. As I have written in the past, the Kansas Attorney General will not help with any violence in small towns until someone is murdered. This death is a case in point.

Because of the many years of personal targeting I have endured by small town bullies ever since I opened Rosalea's Hotel in 1968, I have become an observer, aware that there are many types of bullying. One type is the Judgmental Bully who tries to make every bullying victim they meet into their particular brand of religion. When a person is cornered by this type of bullying, they can't even enjoy a meal in peace without being hounded. Never mind if you remind them that they are preaching to the choir, it does not stop them in their vain glory to make you knuckle down on your knees on the spot so they can gloat at "winning for the Lord" or whoever their God might be. (One homeless man I know says he always plays their games in the city as it means a free meal. He doesn't recall how many times he's "been saved' but he's overweight.)

I have often wondered why these Judgmental Bullies don't attack the attackers, rather than the victims? I suspect they are cowards.

When I try to eat out in my hometown I get the pounding on one side of the room by the Judgmental Bully types, and then an emotional pounding by the pompous Law Enforcement Bullies who gather in a clique on the other side, smug in their knowing they have Abuse of Power on their side. At times like that, food becomes to unpalatable, I finish as quickly as I can without choking, pay and leave.

Surely, small towns are hell unless you stay to yourself (the Internet helps), live in abject denial or booze it up or pop so many tranquilizers you don't sense a thing. Once a therapist told me that only 5% of the people are worth knowing--those who have truth, honor, integrity and are reasonable. This knowledge has helped me much through the years to provide an invisible wall of protection for emotional and mental survival.

I don't know the answers to restore hope, respect, peace and honor to the lives of people who live in small towns. There would be plenty of healthy growth to a community if that was accomplished as many people would want to live in a community that functioned as a genuine community. I do know that creating public awareness regarding bullying is a first step. Teaching children how to identify bullying and standing up to it is a second step. They are our future. But how to rally people broken by years of bullying and intimidation to embrace courage and integrity that defends and supports victims is something I do not have an answer for. And until that day arrives, a victim's life in small towns of the prairies is going to continue to be hell on earth. Now you know why I leave a lot--emotional survival!